Those Were the Days

Imagine it's Christmas morning 2025. You've been allowed to sleep in as long as you want, and you have no chores or responsibilities all day. It's raining outside, and you get to snuggle up on the couch with your dog, Sabi. But your name is Gwyny P., of Altadena, CA, and you are blind with rage about an experience at In-N-Out in Pasadena, CA that happened two weeks ago.

This isn't really my joke. I stole it from this meme, but it works, doesn't it? Blind with rage... over a cheeseburger.

At the very least, this review could use a couple of paragraph breaks though I think it is fair to say that it is just too long. No one needs your whole life story. If I may, I'm going to give it a bit of a rewrite.

"Since I was 15 years old, In-N-Out has been a family favorite. It had been 10 years since my last visit and unfortunately, after all this time, I was extremely underwhelmed. I waited until I was home to dive into the burger which might explain why it was soggy but that doesn't explain why the patties were so small; I have seen thicker bacon. [That part, I actually liked] Though, it's unrealistic to think that something I remember being so good at the young age of 15 would hold up, I probably won't be back. Given how long the line always is, I'm sure the business will survive, just with one less customer."

See how quick and easy that was? I didn't even have to mention your dog which is fine because dog's don't read Yelp reviews so this will most likely not affect the dog population of their clientele.

It's hard to believe that 'tantalizing' was the word you used to describe an In-N-Out burger at that age but, maybe that's because I wasn't alive in the 70's? There are so many things that are better in our adolescent memories, for one, I recently had Pez for the first time in years; not great! Kind of disgusting actually but I'm not going to write the company about it, ya know?

The worst part about this review is that you wrote it on Christmas Day. That just makes me so sad, Gwyny. Did none of your four children call you? While you might think you're making a point, what you've really done is illuminate how depressing your life might actually be. Do you think maybe Sabi is also depressed as a result? Or at least a little pissed that you threw out their dinner?

Or was this your little Christmas treat to yourself? Ol' Gwyny gets to blow off some steam by spending the morning ranting online instead of watching a holiday movie and cuddling with Sabi!

Speaking of depression, my friend sent me this video earlier today and I think it may the motivation behind your actions. It's much funnier when expressed by this man.

I want a happier life for you Gwyny P. and maybe an adjustment in expectations.

One out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.