'Kiss Your Momma With That Mouth?

Last week, I mixed things up a bit and reviewed a review of a book I'd recently read. Before we move on from this brief excursion, I'd like to share an Instagram account I discovered called sobaditsgoodreads. It's a collection of one-star reviews of books on Goodreads presented without comment, and it has given me a lot of joy. Check it out.

Now, back to business:

Thank you, Nurple P., Green Bay, WI, for your review of Funset Boulevard, a family-friendly arcade in Appleton, WI.

Anytime someone or something uses a pun, I think of the many quotes by famous writers about how it's the lowest form of humor, and while I agree, I don't think they realized just how bleak things would be in 2026. Let people live! Funset Boulevard is pretty silly in a charming way. Your review is not.

Mr. Nurple - if that's even your real name - do you kiss your mother, the woman who was hopefully the last person to serve you breastmilk, with that mouth? What is your diet like that you can readily reference the soda's similarity to "ass"? Please, don't answer that.

If puns are the lowest form of humor, emphasizing the negative by comparing everything to "ass" is the lowest form of human expression. Despite looking like someone who people wouldn't want around their children, you have a grandson. Surely you must feel some internal pressure to better articulate your thoughts. Perhaps set a good example?

As for the elephant in the room: seeing a rat in the toilet is far, far more disturbing than a crappy soda. (There is a photo, but I will spare everyone else). Why was this not mentioned first? Did you, I don't know, TELL SOMEONE? I don't know how many times I have to explain this, but not all businesses care about Yelp reviews. It is far more effective to tell a staff member. Geez.

So yeah, I'm pretty hung up on the rat thing. And the breast milk thing. And the ass/ass cheeks thing. And your off-putting selfie/profile pic. It's a pretty obvious one out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.