The Water is Fiiiinnnneeee

Thank you, Francis Y., New York, NY for your review of Cafe Maud in New York, NY. 

Wow! Elena sounds awesome, especially since she’s able to serve you - checks notes - espresso over rice without blinking either one of those "brilliant" eyes. You’re clearly stalking her, or you guys are best friends. Either way, I can’t trust you. Let’s check out another review. 

Wow, again! Thank you, John M., Dublin, Republic of Ireland, for another brilliant review! Three adjectives, huh? Perfect, exceptional, charming? Sounds like you might be buddies with Rory! Can't trust you either. Let's try one more.

Okay, you guys. Listen. Either this place only hires models and everyone in the East Village is THIRSTY AF, or you guys are somehow connected to the business. I'm sorry to sound so jaded, but there's no other way. Kayleigh F., you're suggesting that they charge more money for their food. Who does that?!

While I'm skeptical, I like all of these reviews a lot. Are they over-the-top with positivity? Yes. But do we need that sometimes? Fuck yes. I'm reading these on a rough day, and they're sparking some sort of joy, so thank you, Francis Y., John M., and Kayleigh F..

If everyone is as hot as you say they are, I'm sad this didn't exist when I was in my 20s. Instead, I was across the street, drunkenly eating pierogis at Veselka, wishing I were back together with my ex.

Four out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.