The Simple Life

Thank you, Bryan C., Franklin, OH for your review of Dutch Valley Restaurant in Sugarcreek, OH.

I've been thinking about this review for quite some time - not since 2013 when it was written, but since I found it a couple of months ago - because there's something about it that bothers me. Maybe it's the one star, maybe it's the implication that old people don't have good taste, maybe it's that you wrote a review at all, maybe it's all of the above. So, I did a little research to get a feel for the place.

A quick Google later, I found this description on their website:

"Serving Amish-style food in a family-friendly setting"

This photo:

And this one:

Nothing says Rumspringa Gone Wild like smoked ham and gingham tablecloths.

What exactly were you expecting? If the porch has rocking chairs and decorative gourds...

... I think it's clear that we're in for a pretty geriatric vibe, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's something to be said for living a simple life. You don't see any Amish getting into a tizzy on Yelp, do you?

The thing that bothers me the most about your short review is the comment that there isn't much of a selection. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I dined at a Cheesecake Factory. I've heard the hype, a friend suggested it, so I said, why not? If you're at all familiar, you'd know that the menu is no fewer than 1,000 pages long (this is only a minor exaggeration) and has a wide(ish) variety of cuisines. Seven hours after sitting down at the table, I placed my order and long story short, I was not impressed.

No way, with this many menu items, can they do all of them well. The two that I chose to try were just fine. There comes a point where there are too many options. Have you tried ordering a coffee with milk lately? There's a new milk every day, and the act of choosing has become a chore. Who has time for that?

Certainly not old people. And they know this.

Senior citizens are a notoriously critical bunch, so if they, on their ticking clock, seem happy at a place that perhaps does a few things very well as opposed to many things just okay, I trust them. They've lived long lives. They probably have their priorities straight. What greater an endorsement than I only have months, maybe days, left to live and I'm choosing to spend them here?

Do you see what I'm getting at?

You wrote this twelve years ago, so maybe you've had some time to grow up a little. Maybe now you have an appreciation for a $12.99 all-you-can-eat buffet, foods you can chew with your dentures, and eating in silence because you've turned off your hearing aid. You know, the simple things. I personally can't wait.

One out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.