Roxanna, You Don't Have to Pick Up Your Poop Tonight

Thank you, Roxanna B., Flagstaff, AZ for your review of Lookout Mountain Preserve in Phoenix, AZ. 

Most people don’t know this but there’s a hierarchy in prison. From lowest to highest it goes pedophiles, rapists, people who don’t pick up their dog’s poop, murderers, and mob bosses. That’s third from the bottom in this completely factual list so, quite frankly, I don’t give a shit (sorry) what you think of this hike. 

What kind of entitled life have you led that A. You need to be told to pick up your dog’s poop and B. If and when you do, you expect the state to pay for and provide bags? Unfortunately, people do it all the time. I see abandoned dog poop everywhere. It makes me furious, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they forgot their bags and would be mortified if anyone knew that they’d had no choice but to leave it there, yet YOU have implied that you only do it when you’re told to.

This behavior would never be tolerated in a major city. In New York, for example, you’d be publicly booed if someone witnessed you leaving behind a pile of poo. Why? Because when New Yorkers leave the apartment, it’s usually for the entire day, and you know what could ruin a day, affecting all of your subsequent plans? Stepping in a pile of dog shit due to someone’s lack of foresight and consideration for others. In fact, it’s happened to me. 

During the height of Covid, when the only activities deemed “safe” were outdoors, my husband and I (and occasionally a friend) would take anywhere from 40-70 mile bike rides two to three times a week. Despite the chaos of the world, it was truly the best, and sometimes I’m devastated that we’ll never have time like that again, BUT! Not the point! On any given day we’d put together a couple of sandwiches, mask up, and hop on those bikes and usually end up near the ocean where we’d grab a tall boy at whatever corner store was open and enjoy our snack before heading right back home to watch the horrors on the news and be asleep by 8:30 (the dream!). 

On this particular day, my husband, our friend, and I made it to Seal Beach where we found a local park with a nice stretch of grass to plop down and socially distance while we ate. Two cold beers, and one peanut butter and jelly sandwich later, we stood up to leave and I, despite having thoroughly checked my surroundings, realized I’d sat directly on top of a quite large pile of dog poop. I suspect the only reason I hadn’t noticed it before was because my butt was probably numb from cycling 30 miles (brag, brag) to get there. We all laughed hysterically while using whatever pitiful amount of tissues or napkins we’d brought with us to wipe it off my ass. Then the reality set in.  

Roxanna B., I don’t know how much time you’ve spent around dog poop - I’m assuming not a lot since you seem to leave it behind wherever you go - but it REEKS. It smells so bad. I mean SO bad. Like, really just lingers in your nostrils. And there I was, about to bike another 30 miles (brag, brag - although the joke’s on me, I’ll literally never be in that good of shape again) back home. That takes a couple of hours at least and because someone couldn’t be bothered to clean up after their dog, I had to endure that smell for the entire ride. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was Covid. A time when we realized just how little people care about others. 

I survived but it was extremely unpleasant even through a mask! I may have thrown those pants away when we got home, I don’t remember, but it was nasty. It’s so easy to have this kind of respect and consideration for others, you should try it sometime. So, Roxanna B., I consider this review of the Lookout Mountain Preserve to be a failure of any useful information, but a success in terms of highlighting one giant shortcoming of yours. 

You’ve now motivated me to research if there’s some kind of citizen's arrest for these situations. Consider me reported for duty. 

One out of five stars. 

See you next Tuesday.