Quite the Fever Dream

Thank you, Babbs M., Chicopee, MA for your review of Froggy's Saloon in Westfield, MA.

First impression... Wow. Honestly, I'm almost too stunned to say much of anything.

The imagery is spectacular. It reminds me of watching Frasier trying to imagine what Niles' wife, Maris (a character we never actually see), looks like based on others' descriptions. If AI weren't destroying the planet, I'd love to see the image it comes up with. "Her breath carried the whisper of a cadavers queef" has got to produce something worth seeing. Or at least something horrifying.

I was curious to see if you carried this level of specificity into your other reviews, so you can imagine how surprised I was when I noticed you only had one other. Dave's Soda & Pet Food City in Springfield, MA.

These two reviews are vastly different. The only unnecessary detail was the mention of scotch tape. Not quite as memorable as, "she used her one good tooth to remove the saran wrap from a package of Marlboro cigarettes." Ya know?

And what's with the fact that your name is Babbs and you met a woman who goes by The Babbs? I don't know what happened the night before you stumbled upon Froggy's Saloon, but it feels like it didn't just stop when you woke up Sunday morning and popped in your Trans Am. Perhaps a drug-induced fever dream? Was this entire erotic experience had facing a mirror in the back corner of the bar? The only lazy eye looking back at you, your own?

OR (and this is more likely), this is a piece of creative genius you quickly realized was better suited for Reddit, so when you felt inclined to write another review 11 days later, you reined it in, realized it wasn't fun, then gave up on Yelp forever? Either way, this is what I love to see on here. The more unhinged, the better!

For future reference, it is spelled "cunninglingus," not "conilingus" - apparently a common mistake, which explains a lot - and if you hadn't spent $20 on parking, maybe you wouldn't have had to scrounge the bottom of your change purse to buy a shitty Bud Light. A lady deserves better.

Five out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.