Keep Walking, Buddy

Thank you, Ty D., Portland, OR for your review of Hellenika Cultured Creamery in Seattle, WA. 

As a non-business owner, I don’t need to be as professional as Alex A., so let me start with a genuine, heartfelt, enthusiastic go fuck yourself. Put on your MAGA hat and keep walking until you hit Alligator Alcatraz, and don’t stop until you’re neck deep. And I thought Portland was supposed to be “woke.” 

You, an adult man, realize this is an ice cream parlor, yes? Wait your turn like everyone else. There will be plenty of time to take a look at the flavors in front of you when you get inside, which you were told not once, not twice, but THREE times. That’s almost as embarrassing as writing a Yelp review. Almost. It wouldn't kill you to have a little bit of shame—even a smidge.

I’m grateful to live in a country with someone like Alex A., who runs a business built by immigrants, supports his staff, and knows what matters. How he was so calm and composed in his response is more honorable than you could ever be, you literal turd. 

One out of five stars for you, Ty D. I hope every bite of ice cream you have for the rest of your life gives you horrible brain freeze.

A trillion out of five stars for you, Alex A. Your ice cream looks so damn fine, I’m considering looking up flights to Seattle, but that would be crazy, right? 

Or would it?

See you next Tuesday.