Cut the Salt

Thank you, Leslie G., Urban Honolulu, HI for your review of Twenty Pho Hours (get it?) in Los Angeles, CA.

I barely even know what to say about this other than, wow, Leslie! I don't think this is quite the compliment to the chef as you'd like it to be. "The food is delicious, but if you finish your plate, you will be in physical pain" isn't exactly a selling point.

Given that this is your first and only review, I'm guessing it wasn't your New Year's resolution to become an avid Yelper. I think what's really going on is that you're poisoning your husband.

Hear me out.

This may seem like an outrageous accusation, but the first step to covering your tracks would be to leave tiny traces of symptoms disguised as concern. Maybe a call or two to his doctor, venting to friends about how you're worried your husband isn't taking care of himself, Googling things like "the effects of sodium on men 50 and over", etc.

Until the day he's being wheeled out on a stretcher and the police ask your neighbors if there's any reason to be suspicious, and all they'll have to say is, "Well, Leslie was constantly warning him about the dangers of too much salt." His death certificate will state "Natural causes," and the case will be closed. Nice work.

This may seem like a foolproof plan, but I'm on to you, Leslie. I'll be watching.

Two out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.