Crime and Punishment

Thank you, John K., Lecanto, FL, for your review of Skyline Caverns in Front Royal, VA.

And thank you, A A., Miami, FL, for your review of Fox Bros BBQ in Atlanta, GA.

Let's pretend you're both in detention. I'm the principal of this school (or, more likely, whatever teacher got stuck working after hours), and I'm standing at the front of the classroom holding a large ruler, which I tap quickly up and down into the palm of my other hand. Suddenly, I stop, and after a moment of tense silence, I speak. 

Do you know why I've brought the two of you here today? 

You sit there, extremely confused as to how you've ended up in this classroom, taking part in my bizarre fantasy. 

Do you?! I shout as I slam the ruler down on the desk. 

You both shake your heads in fear. (I have way more confidence here than in real life.) 

You've both given details in your reviews that are clearly meant to be derogatory but are completely unnecessary, and it's quite gross that you felt these things even needed to be mentioned. Now, drop down and give me 600 push-ups! 

You try, and neither of you can even make it to 20. Pitiful! 

(I think it's clear that I've never had detention before, so we're going to move on from this setting and continue as usual.)

John K., kids can be brats in any language. I'm not saying that this experience wasn't annoying - that would have driven me crazy - but there's absolutely no need for us to know what they were speaking. I suspect you think that by pointing out that it wasn't English, it was somehow more offensive, and I can tell you that you are wrong. This is not the flex you think it is. In fact, as someone who lives extremely close to the Gulf of Mexico and is a short plane ride to Cuba, you should probably be embarrassed that you don't understand Spanish. 

A A., it was 2024 when you wrote your review. Bodyshaming is DONE. Being overweight is not a crime. You've already mentioned his name, which is rude enough. Why do we need to know that he's fat? What if someone visited your workplace and later left a review saying, "A A., whose eyes are very close together, was not helpful this afternoon"? What does that do for anyone? 

Nothing.

If this were actually detention, I'd probably ask you to write something like "Highlighting a person's differences says more about me than it does them, and I should be ashamed." on the chalkboard about a thousand times. It's a little clunky, but it should take a while, and the chalk is already really, really small. And you can only wipe your hands off on your pants. And you hate the sound it makes. And so you learn your lesson.

One out of five stars for you to share.

See you next Tuesday.