Lay Your Burden Down

Alexus H., Lookout Valley Neighborhood Association, Chattanooga, TN, thank you for your review and for doing your due diligence but, more importantly, I would like to formally relieve you of your burden and permit you to never go to this Buffalo Wild Wings in Ontario, OH (or any location for that matter) ever again. 

I’m certain I’ve mentioned this before, but as a child, I had to try a food at least three times before I could decide that I didn’t like it. Only then could I make the absolute statement that it was not for me. I like this parenting tactic and, to the best of my ability, I’ve tried to carry this into my adult life. In the very least, I have strong feelings about giving things more than one chance before writing a very public, negative review about them. 

That being said, in this instance, there really is no need. 

Buffalo Wild Wings is not a mom-and-pop establishment; they are a corporation. One that has a standard corporate structure of service that they are clearly not adhering to; therefore, there is no reason to continue to give them chances. The mercy you have bestowed upon this business is admirable, but would be more deservedly placed elsewhere. You’re too kind. Far, far too kind. 

I think we all would love for the experience there to be better. Unfortunately, it’s just not. Even I like watching the occasional sport, but doing so in a place with sticky floors, surrounded by a bunch of bros shittalking players who are doing things they could only dream of physically accomplishing themselves, all the while consuming food that is guaranteed to give you heartburn and/or diarrhea (if you even get the food) is not my cup of tea. I prefer to get heartburn at home, which is why I think you need to get yourself an air fryer. 

I was resistant to the idea of the air fryer when I first heard of it eleven years ago, and boy, was I wrong! You can make almost anything in there, including extremely delicious buffalo chicken wings. It’s too easy not to try!

To make it even easier for you, here’s a shopping list, instructions on how to prepare, and a link to an air fryer review that I’m not sure what to do with, if you need help deciding which one to get: 

To buy: 

1 lb bone-in chicken wings and thighs

1 bottle of Frank’s RedHot

1 bottle Worcestershire sauce

Butter

Baking powder 

Blue cheese dressing (for dipping)

Ranch dressing (for dipping)

To make:

1. In a medium-sized bowl, toss your chicken pieces in baking powder (this helps with crispiness). If you have time, refrigerate for 24 hours (this will also help with crispiness) if not, no problem. 

2. Place chicken pieces in the air fryer basket. Turn the air fryer to 400 for 15 minutes, flipping once at the halfway point.

3. In the microwave, melt ½ stick of butter.

4. Once melted, combine the butter with ⅓ cup of Frank’s, 1 tablespoon of Worcestershire and stir together. 

5. When the chicken is done, place it in a new bowl, pour the sauce over it, and toss until coated. 

6. Voila! 

Pros:

• Your house, you can have as many wings as you want.

• Your house, you can get up to wash your hands as many times as you want without anyone thinking you’re having gastrointestinal issues. 

• You’re at home.

• You don’t have to pretend to be embarrassed because you didn’t eat the only vegetable matter on the plate (i.e., celery, carrots)

Cons:

• Your house, so any friends you invited over might not leave when you want them to.

Pros: 

• Your house, you don’t have to invite anyone over! 

Listen, Alexus H., I don’t want you getting the wrong idea and thinking that I have a problem with your review. I don’t. I just want you to be open to other options for yourself. One of those options is never going to a Buffalo Wild Wings ever again. Your life might not get better, but from the sound of it, it’ll at least not get worse. 

Good luck out there. 

Three out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.