Closing Time

Thank you, Chip A., Rockwall, TX for your review of The Hot Bite in Juneau, AK.

And thank you, Alison N., Savannah, GA for your review of Caper’s restaurant in Little Rock, AR.

And thank you, Norma S., Arcadia, CA for your review of Macy’s in Pasadena, CA. 

Quick question: have any of you, any of you at all, ever had a job? I know for certain that Chip A. hasn’t. 

No one should show up to a restaurant 15 minutes before it closes and expect to be seated, let alone ONE minute before. WHY SHOULD I EVEN HAVE TO SAY THAT, CHIP?! I’ve never worked in a department store, so I’m not quite sure how it works with closing up, but I imagine it’s a lot like herding cats, to which I say NO THANK YOU. 

If I owned a restaurant, the last seating would be at least 45 minutes before closing time, so there’d be no confusion as to when people needed to leave. Of course, there would still be issues given that most people are clueless, but that would be my pitiful attempt. If this is confusing, let me break it down from the most unifying of standpoints, which is MONEY. 

Let’s say a smaller mom-and-pop restaurant is slowing down for the night. The kitchen closes in about 10 minutes, the people still seated are wrapping up, and in walks a two-top who wants “a quick bite,” which we all know will not be quick even if they order right away. 

Here’s their order:

• Bread ($7)

• Appetizer ($15)

• Two entrees ($28 each = $56)

• Two glasses of wine ($16 each = $32)

• Dessert ($15)

Total: $125 plus tax, which in my state is $13.12, bringing the total to $138.12. Hopefully, with a 20% tip at $27.62.  

A meal like this takes at least an hour, if not longer, since this couple is enjoying the fact that they have a nice, quiet restaurant all to themselves. To staff a restaurant for just this one table to have their dinner, you’d need: 

Two kitchen staff: $16.50/hour x 2 employees x 1.5 hours = $49.50

One server: $16.50/hour x 1 employee for 1.5 hours = $24.75 

One bartender: $16.50/hour x 1 employee for 1 hour = $16.50

One dishwasher: $16.50/hour x 1 employee for 1.5 hours = $24.75

Bringing the total cost of wages to: $115.50.

If you subtract the wages of $115.50 from the total sales of $125.00, you get a whopping profit of $9.50! 

This estimate is based on the couple eating an entire meal from start to finish in under 90 minutes (and tipping 20%) in a restaurant requiring a fairly small staff. Even if it costs zero dollars to keep the lights on, this business is making no money, and the server would probably rather go home than share the $27 tip with multiple people who probably aren’t even still at work. 

Maybe you guys work in a bank - or, if you’re like Chip, live in your mom’s basement and don’t work at all - and hours are set with no wiggle room, but a lot of jobs are not like this, and the world does not revolve around you. So, I don’t know, maybe think about that before you show up right at closing. 

One out of five stars.

See you next Tuesday.